Journal of a Wildman

Hey Jim hope you’re allright!

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How long did it take for your friends to get stable and live with the symptoms?

They need years.

@Taw You make me blush. Thanks for the kind words.

I read thru the forum daily, but haven’t been joining in like I have in the past. I feel like an outlier, the old man that is irrelevant to the cases of the young.

I do intend to post an update soon, I had a crash recently that has dropped me to my knees.

Also, @Exsexgod, I should apologize to you my friend. You reached out here and I didn’t respond. You seem to be doing better. Stay strong. Jim


Sry for joining a conversation when you dont even know me. But i think its normal to sometimes no disappear or no answering. This condition is hard and even navigate on internet is hard!

Btw im Young but your case is also interesting for me. We both humans we both being fucked by the same substance we both we Will be use the same cure if ever exist!

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Hello dear “old” friend. A crash put you to your knees. What shall I write you as I sit in my chair too, now a 61 yo senior and see the spring rising outside. These days taking my bicycle all my life for a nice pre spring ride or a long walk.

Now I wait for the third summer with this shit and I have at least no motivation anymore. May I say that? You know from all the other posts here that we all recover and this pfs is just a little hormonal imbalance.

I hope we have not to tell us this fucking shit! There has been a memorial ice hockey game in Toronto for Mark Turner, who committed suicide. Heartwarming pictures of some pfs guys and the parents. With my friend Erik and friends and relatives there is a little loving community, with etical principles to warn other young men taking the internet marketed hims, keeps and my spring products and supporting great research ongoing.

As you liked my response to the next infantil recovery post like you and Lazarus it’s hard to find a normal conversation in this grotesque clownery of a severe disease. That’s the reason why I delete so much comments.

So I try to hangle from day to day, motivation from two old friends and a nurse service. As you know that all recover, I can say as a dark minded outsider, it’s at least only a daily fight for my child.

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And I hope from my heart that your lifelong loving wife is still standing by your site and you are going through the tough senior days together.

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Summers are the worst. I can handle winter much more easily.

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I put this picture on my Farcebook page a week ago. Not one person has asked about it. People generally don’t care anymore.


It’s like the nomads, they walk to the new hunting grounds and let the weak ones behind. No one looks back.

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Hard to believe it’s been nearly 6 months since I last posted here.

Our friend @Exsexgod wrote the following recently:
I fall deeper, deeper and deeper, loosing every power. Getting fatter, fatter and fatter. Getting immobile, more and more housebond. Living with my fantasies 95 % in the past… Bloodpressure through the roof. Breath short.

He has written my story as well! Instead of enjoying a life of retired leisure activities, I stumble from day to day.
I need to add one more short and simple line:

Waiting daily for this miserable life’s end. Jim


I grew up in a litlle suburb, in the 60ties a village with farmer boys, bakery daughters and village people in my primary school. The wild 70ties with glam rock from England and then Punk in the early eighties. Study in West Berlin, wall was down experincing all the east Berlin Club sceene. Years in the hinterlands “Grimms thales land” Düsseldorf and Colonge, back home. I met so many different people, lived with women, affairs, parties, friendship with so many guys.

Now forgotten! Nobody left! Two old friends! The childreen on weekends, but they go their own way. Sometimes I’m full of fear for the childreens future. Germany was the safest country of the world all my life. Now getting a failed state. Lost my money and estate because of Oil Boycott and supervisor etc. too. I’m forgotten.

Then here! Im happy that two guys recovered in my german group. Spontaneous, not by fucking hcg lie. But the rest, only some are very active, together with pssd to rise awarness and fund good research with universities and new techniques. But the rest only expiriencing hcg voodoo cult and fake recoveries. So I feel lonly in the groups too.

Forgotten and shut off. Like the silent majority of us. So I sit in mc chair day in day out, cant face the whore I had, cant face the sick midget urologist with his mini cock in summer 2018 in his Surgerey shorts in the practice, cant face that I sent probes to an asbestos lab before I renovated a wall and didnt check my pills…


Friend, you and I face a denial that the younger ones do not: the denial that we are sick from some strange drug reaction, instead we are sick simply because we are old.

I am nearing 68 next week, and people including my wife will tell me that the ailments I have are those shared by many old folks. (Regardless of the fact that I was very healthy and sexually active just a few years ago.)

I don’t have PFS I’m told,
I am merely growing old!

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19 posts were split to a new topic: Move to Reddit + automod rules

I wrote that a full year ago, and still have not posted a decent update. I will finally try, breaking it into manageable segments.

I wrote then that I was deep in a crash. The best I could figure was I had taken zinc for a month to ward off winter colds. Afterwards I read that zinc could cause problems, and boy howdy, it did to me! No zinc for me ever again.

Today, a quick catch-up on sex. A few months after the crash I actually started experiencing nocturnal erections! First time in years! This developed into rare daytime erections, as well.

I thought I was on the way to recovery, but overnight it all ceased. No hint of erections, day or night. No sexual dreams. All gone with the wind.

Possibly the worst part, my penis is shrinking. Last summer it was near normal’s 6 inches, now it is at barely 2". Hardly enough to hold onto to piss. And that my friend is depressing!

I have no idea what caused this genital crash. No new meds. No illness. Just gone, overnight. And that’s part one of my update. Jim


I do not post here as often as I should…but today I must.

Yesterday I made an attempt at humor on a fellow poster’s topic. No harm intended, but it was not appreciated. He called me on it, and I sincerely apologized. He says we’re good now, and I pray that is true. I’ve been miserable all day at the thought I caused distress to this good man. Again, I apologize to my friend.

This incident made me realize anew, how this insipid PFS can harm us in vastly different ways sometimes.

Some here lose weight uncontrollably, and others gain weight despite diets.

Some have brain fog, others stay sharp. Sometimes it comes and goes!

Some can take a vitamin like zinc and they crash, and others feel no effects.

Worst, some recover in several months (yay!) while others are tormented for decades! (I’m at 4+years now.)

Mostly I’m reminded that under it all, we are all hurting with no cure in sight. We need to support each other through this mess. Stay strong, brothers. Jim


Jim you are a good man, you always try to be a positive influence on here with your empathetic understanding and caring nature.


I was preparing for a new post here, and got a surprise shock!

I’ve thought this is my 4th anniversary of my PFS, and yes, I have now been on this forum for four years now. But…

Rereading my first post here, I see with shock that my PFS started in April 2019. FIVE years ago, not four. I lost a year in this battle!

This worries me anew, as I read here recently that a good number of us heal in their 4th year. Significance unknown, but something to look forward to. Now that’s a false hope for me.

Five years this month. Damn. Jim


Jesus. Did the missing year occur while you were at the lowest point of PFS, or was this something that occured to you without explanation?

In retrospect, I must have in my blurred mind, associated my years of PFS with my time here. Never thought twice about it! Until…recently I reread my first post and realized I had PFS for a year before starting my member story.
The shock was like being an adult who just discovered he’s adopted!
My own fault, I guess! Thanks for asking…Jim