Its never ending

General Discussion
#21

I am really sorry to hear that.

It might be upsetting to do, but have you asked her outright for help and support? Really put it on the line. Tell her you want your life back. That it’s possible for recovery and that you need some help on the road to it.

You say you’ve lost contact with your friends. Same question- have you actually said “I really need some help here, can we meet up once a week to have a coffee/ walk/something for an hour, I really need some help.” Even if you can meet up with one person and talk about anything at all, football, or films or cars or whatever you like, I think you’ll be in a better position.

Depression is isolating and that can compound the problem. A lot of the strategies here are “manly” ones - lift weights, etc. But really that sort of thing doesn’t have much impact on mental health versus a support network. I am obviously not a medical professional and don’t know how this condition contributes to mental health problems but it makes sense to me that having an extra person in your corner and taking a break from being alone will help. Creating a situation (or sleepwalking into one) where you’re all alone will not help.

It might even be worth considering a longer stay at your sister’s.

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#22

Cheers guys,
She hasn’t taken me to the cleaners financially we reached what was an agreed seperation amount which I had drawn up legally.
In terms of my friends they’ve just suggested going out on the piss none have furnished my request for a one to one they sense I’ve changed and only want the Joker around. I posted a heartfelt mssge on FB as a consequence one or two of my wider group have offered support. Meeting an old buddy tonight and my old boss whose now retired called me and wants to meet up. I also plan to go to my sisters regularly as what I have here is just painful apart from my son. If I didn’t have him I’d be gone. Think I surounded myself with fairweather social rather than
true freinds the same ones weren’t there when I was diagnosed with rheumatoid in my teens. I should have learned from that. When I had the few weeks uplift from the tumeric end of last year this all seemed like a breeze and an opportunity to restart my life. Shows how debilitating mental health/PFS is. I’m trying to build a social support group. Once I return from my sister’s I also intend joining different groups! It feels like climbing Everest just to do simple social tasks. I really appreciate your views and ongoing input. Please continue

3 Likes
#23

I have put it on the line but she can’t or won’t challenge her folks stand by my side. Hurt beyond mate

#24

That sounds positive, that you’ve got those two guys.

I think you might be expecting too much from a Facebook post. Most people don’t have confidence in their ability to know what to do when someone is saying they need some help. If it’s a general “someone help me out here” most people will on some level panic and not engage. You might be surprised at how few people saw your post too. Don’t assume that because you didn’t get a response from a particular person that means that they don’t care.

If you know someone who you think is a decent enough guy and won’t immediately suggest the pub (it might be the right thing to do sometime though!) it might be worth asking for help there. Asking directly is very different to asking a crowd of people.

There’s that thing that people say about giant mountain sized tasks, and that is that though it seems like one giant problem, it’s actually a series of little problems.

The thing that you talk about most often is that you feel isolated. Break that down into small steps that you can take to make that better.

Well done for volunteering to drive people, that a good step.

Well done for arranging to stay with your sister.

Now you need to arrange to meet up with your old boss and your friend. If it goes ok, before you say goodbye, ask when they can meet up again and get a day and time in place.

That’s your single problem now. Arrange to meet up with someone. So that’s a message/phone call/email and you’re done.

If you feel like you can get that done a follow up task could be to work out which of your friends you think you can meet up with - it doesn’t have to be someone that you can reveal your darkest thoughts to. Someone who will tell you about interesting things is enough. Just being with someone.

Like I say, I’m not a doctor or anything, but I think they are probably appropriate steps.

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#25

Sorry. That is shit. Make sure you don’t let your access to your son suffer.

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#26

Thanks again Greek,

When I get pleasently or unexpectedly surprised by some positive interaction my emotions/mental state immediately improves. Once it passes I’m back to the shit baseline. It shows socialising with the right people is good for me. I have a daily dairy /planner in place where I set myself tasks and break down the mountain into bite sized chunks. I’ve sat back a little because of the flux status! My drive has somewhat disappeared. I tell myself I’ll pick it up after my trip away. I feel I need to get that booked sooner rather than later. Initially intended to go in march, were nearly into June! 3 months doing next to nothing isn’t good for anyone

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#27

I honestly believe that no one in this place can improve with the social isolation and depression that this disease causes. You have to fight for your happiness. The good thing is you have nothing to lose. I know you have a family, but you need to focus on your health above all else right now. If you don’t have that nothing else will matter. You will see progress, I don’t think many of us believed improvement was possible, but I’m here today telling you it is. I’m happy now. Happier maybe before all this shit, my body isn’t the same but I accept it and I’ve worked hard to get where I am in all aspects. Listen to your body. You know you need positive social interaction for your wellbeing, how are you going to continue to find that? Join a meetup, join a club, a sport, volunteer, pick up an easy/fun job, reach out to old friends- you have so many answers to this one problem, and I know how disheartening repeated failure can be, but this is not the end, you still have many more chances left if you continue to move forward. There is much you can do to get out of this.

Remember the happiest day you’ve ever had and now accept that you can feel that good again, that is completely possible and the only thing telling you it isn’t is your own fucked up head. Fix yourself man, you can do it.

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#28

Most people will drop you like a hot potato as soon as they sense you are not “fun” to hang out with anymore (or you are not going to be useful to them in the future). I was shocked when that happened to me because I didn’t expect old, trusted friends to do that when I most needed them but they sure did. Very few people will stick around in your time of need. This is our species. I have become the resident Schopenhauer on the forum but this is the sad truth. My advice would be not to ask people directly for any kind of help and not to talk too much about your problems. People can’t handle that. Only do it with your most trusted friends and not all the time.

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#29

Exposure and time definitely don’t correlate. I took mine only for 2 months and got PFS (was Procar at a higher dose). However, there is hope. I have been trying Amino acids in accord to another poster some time ago…I have lots of supplements but the other day I was so horny coming home from a flight that if I didn’t put my mind on something else I would come. Finally had sex with my wife after almost 3 or 4 months…screamed like I hadn’t in years. It’s not consistent…yet… but I’m working on it. And yes, I’m older (57) but sex is still very important so please please please don’t give up!!

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#30

2981,

Hang in there bud. Most of us know where you’re at. I had to hit absolute rock bottom. When I was given the choice of what l felt was a way out. It became undeniably clear l wanted to stay. I had a young son, that’s what kept me going in the mean time.

You need to see a therapist immediately. I would imagine you could find low cost ones if you don’t have insurance. When l first saw a therapist is when l finally started to get better. Some high quality tribulus and cialis long term were the other things that helped me the most.

When you’re going through hell, keep going. ~Churchill

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#31

what has beat back the “creeping malaise” for me has been running. (I ran a lot 20 years ago, and just occasionally since then). Three months ago I really picked it up, back to 20+ miles a week now. I know that’s not an option for everyone. But it has helped a bunch for me.

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#32

I wish I didn’t have joint pain or else I’d run 10 miles a day.

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#33

Could you ride a bike, swim, cross train, row, anything else?

#34

My shoulders are fucked from bad lifting form many years ago. Even swimming hurts my shoulders. Despite that, I am just prone to osteoarthritis. It sucks to say the least. It fills me with jealousy whenever I go to the gym and see people work out like normal. I just use the elliptical whenever I’m at the gym which was a few weeks ago when I last did any exercise. Been too exhausted lately to even consider working out.

I’ll still do what I can when I am feeling better. Maybe even sneak a run in from time to time in spite of the pain. Anyway, it feels like I’m hijacking 2981’s thread.

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#35

Sounds like you could do a daily bike ride if your shoulders are the main issue. Maybe see if you can get/borrow a bike?

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#36

I hurt myself easily from being so fatigued all the time so I’m scared to ride a bike and hit my head, but I bet there are still plenty of other things I can do. I’m trying to fix my shoulders but my sleeplessness has held me back. I went to get CT scans of my shoulders after the chocolate thing happened. Still need to follow up with them so that maybe I can get can MRI scan next if the CT didn’t pick up on anything. Take care of your joints, they’re so important to your health and well-being to say the least.

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#37

Maybe an exercise bike then.

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#38

Not a problem mercked! I’ve had rheumatoid arthritis since the age of 14. I went from running for my school, playing tennis and being a very active kid to not being able to get dressed. Once I came to terms with it i got back into a level of fitness from age18. I go to the gym three times per week and push past the pain in a sensible manner I don’t lift heavy weights and often get on my bike! If i hadn’t have done have done this I could have been confined to a chair “my rheumatologists words” if I can do it!!! It is my saviour now with having PFS to contend with :slight_smile:

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#39

Hey man,

Can’t possibly understand what you’re going through unless I went through the exact same thing myself. What I can say is there has to be things you can look forward to. If you are able to go for a jog and experience endorphin release, or see positive changes to your body from any kind of working out, that in itself is HUGE. I can’t even stress that. If you are able to watch a movie and enjoy it, that is huge…I see now how much I took for granted. I never knew what I had until it all has been stripped from me. I can’t relate to the wife and son, but there have to be some things that can help you cope with all of this. It’s been very hard for me to cope because I can’t do the simple activities that I used to do, such as go to the gym, etc.

Hope you hang in there and see the positives.

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#40

Dont be sad mate it will get better with time

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