Just waiting for death in my case, somehow functioning just well enough to keep a roof over my head. Removed myself from the world otherwise.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE…do not do anything to yourself. I was where you were last year at this time. Suicidal, angry beyond words, desperate and full of so much despair.
A year later I can tell you that I am a MUCH BETTER place mentally than I was a year ago. I have a job I love and am good at (teaching) and I am finally sleeping again (15 mg Remeron nightly). I credit my job for saving my life because it is the one thing that makes life worth living. I know I am making a difference in my students’ lives - and the life perspective I bring into the classroom has changed greatly.
I avoid social/dating settings outside of school, not because I can’t do them, but rather because they remind me of the “old” me. Weekends are the hardest, but since I live in a big city its easy to find stuff to do on the weekend. Start learning a language (www.conversationexchange.com), use Meetup.com to find things to do around you, but stay busy. I found idle time was and still is my enemy…it allows me to dwell on what was taken from me.
But first and foremost - get good sleep and exercise. PM if you want more things that I have been trying…but trust me - I am so glad I didn’t drink the Nembutal I had purchased last year. I see a lot of reasons for hope - and the PFS Foundation is one of them. Harvard and Baylor are going to help us get to the bottom of this disease. Hang in there.
What do you do for work, and what was your world like before all of this, why do you keep going?
I created this thread to try and give others hope, and maybe ideas on how others are getting on with this.
There is really a lack of ‘life’ support on here, and hope this thread can help better this…Thanks.
Fantastic. Thanks for sharing.
If you are dead you cannot have a job to give you money for the PFS Foundation.
obviously for any man to lose your sexual feelings and drive is totally devastating,i find myself constantly recalling from memory the days when a blow job would make me cockeyed and the orgasms would send me into a state of delirium,when laying my hands on a woman would give me that exitement in my stomach almost salivating with a big rock hard erection,what id give to be back to normal i tell you,ive had pfs for around 6 years now,no sex drive for 6 years,its a tragedy,BUT,ive come to terms with it,i know theres a chance i might be like this for the rest of my life,but theres also a very good chance i wont,i will never give up hope that ill return to normal,ive seen it happen to many on this site,if i am to be in this current state for the rest of my life then so be it,i know it will only be living half a life so to speak but it sure beats being dead,ive felt suicidal more than a few times over the last six years but would never do it,theres always something to live for even if you cant enjoy a woman anymore,if anyones looking for a purpose to go on you could always dedicate your life to getting justice and getting propecia recalled…
Amen Robbo.
Thanks for the encouragement, though to set the record straight, i’d said “waiting”. I wouldn’t do that my ailing mom, plus I don’t think i have the guts even after my mom’s gone.
Guys - there is a Podcast out there that is dedicated to PFS. It will be airing tomorrow morning…I think it goes every week. Here is the URL: blogtalkradio.com/pfsglobal
Email: pfsglobalpodcast@gmail.com
They usually do questions, talk about PFS, strategies, etc…might help you through some of the rough stuff…
About ready to start my 8th year of PFS. Seven years of trying to act “normal” at weddings, funerals, parties, sitting in my cubicle at work, holidays with the family. Doing all this while inside I feel like crap and want to live the life of a recluse. I’ve aged tremendously during the last 7 years. Unfortunately I have sort of come to accept the new me. No interest in sex anymore. I did contribute 750 bucks to the PFS foundation this year. Hopefully a miracle will occur and they can figure this out. We should nominate mew for a Nobel Prize for all he’s done for us. I’m a runner and it’s the one thing PFS hasn’t taken from me. There are periods after a long run when I can feel almost normal. I guess the human element is the struggle for survival we are all engaged in.
Ohhhh man. Can I relate to everything you stated, especially with the holidays coming up! Thanks for sharing. What do you do for a cube job and do you live alone?
My life is going pretty well in every area except ED compared to pre-fin
This is about as much “luck” as pfs can give you if you aren’t one of the few who recover I guess
Those were the days. 
After 9 years of dealing with PFS, I can definitely say there is a life to be had with it. I work full time, am in grad school, have a girl friend, go out on weekends, and an generally happy. Its taken 9 years of experimentation and close to $50,00 worth of experimentation. I am not recovered, nor that close to it, but I am pretty damn decent at this point. 3 years ago I would have rather been dead. Keep your heads up!
I agree, this is awkward. People think I am not normal because I don’t chase after sex, but it is not possible to say out loud that I don’t want have any desire or urges, this would be worse. I try to act it out so that people believe that everything is ok.
I was isolated for a long time, but I’m now trying to live my life - while investigating the condition. I have family, friends and a girlfriend that are supporting me. Without them, I would have committed suicide. Today, I have a lot of controlled anger, and if I should break sometime in the future… Lets just say that something about Merck is going to be front page news.
Hahaha at Ender! I’ve been in that state of anger years ago and thought about that as well lol!
It must be said that each person has taken this drug for different lengths of time, and at different ages.
I took it for 7 years, in recovery(assuming this is possible) for 3 years.
How’s my life?
The old me:
Successful in Information Technology, making 6 figures.
Driving BMWs, Mercedes.
Large house in southern california on a few acres.
Was happily married for 22 years with 2 great kids.
Had a healthy sex life.
Happy, lots of projects, creative, adventurous.
The new me:
Lost my job and career completely.
Approved for Disability after 3 years of delays with the SSA.
Earning 1/4th of my previous salary.
Wife divorced me AND accused me of Domestic Violence due to the anger from Propecia. (But I did NO such physical violence at all)…
I only get to visit my kids at a supervised visitation place for ONE hour per week, if that.
I’m facing DV charges which I didn’t commit.
I’m still battling depression and many other side effects from Propecia.
I still have suicidal thoughts.
Isolated and abandoned by my friends and family.
Currently living alone in a small granny flat that I’m renting, unable to work, no interest
in hobbies or anything else except cooking.
This is not a life I would wish on anyone. I can’t believe Propecia and Proscar are still being sold. I also can’t believe so many years have passed and NO NEWS about litigation against Merck has been accomplished. All they have done is collect suits and have conferrence meetings about case management, but no justice, no prosecution, no fines, penalties or prison time for Merck. And not a damn thing mentioned about how the FDA is involved in this.
How’s that for a fucked up story!?
Late at night I sometimes fantasize about hitting the lottery or powerball jackpot so I can become a professional recluse and just drop out of society permanently. In my fantasy I spend my relusive days binge drinking 24/7 and eating copious amounts of junk food. I also buy a nice variety of luxurious wigs and wear them around the house.
Nah, I’d rather just heal already. Being honest. Funny story though. Don’t know about the wig part…lol
Seriously man, what do you do to get by? I created this post more or less, as vehicle for members to share what they do to get on with it and keep a roof over their heads and survive. This site lacks a human element. I appreciate the fantasy, but alot of guys on here are up shits creek, borderline homeless, barely squeaking by,and trying to figure out what “kind of job” they can handle, or while screwed up cognitively. I have a severe form of cognitive sides for years now. I should of made that clearer, that this is thread is meant for brain fogged, cognitively impaired men 24/7 stemming from propecia usage. Hard to do much of anything if your consciousnesses is completely changed, and feel like your brain damaged. Needless to say, we gotta get by somehow…I’m curious, as are many on here, how some are. We are incredibly courageous and stronger than we think to live through so much suffering. Give yourself some credit. We deserve it.