Has anyone considered trying to date again?

General Discussion
#80

That’s great, man! Talk about how it went. Like dating with PFS. Like when did the subject of your ailment come up? What did you say? How did women respond?

At the moment, one of the women I was going on dates with that I really liked appears to have decided she’s out (i.e. she’s ghosting me). However, that situation was the closest I’ve been (at least from my perspective, who knows how she felt) since all this started. She wanted to talk about anything and everything about our lives and dating histories. We never got to discussing PFS as I was hesitant to talk about dating histories as there is now a huge hole in my dating history. But I’ve never been closer to broaching that subject with someone that I was romantically interested in. And the thought of talking about this terrified me. I know some have previously advocated for avoiding the subject or kind of telling a bit of a white lie on it. And I understand that at first, but once you really start getting into serious conversations, you can’t completely avoid it.

#81

On a separate note I’d like to talk about that here: What’s the best way to talk about PFS with a romantic prospect?

In my mind, the conversation was going to go like this: “So I haven’t dated anyone for a really long time because for a long time I just didn’t feel the need to because years ago I took a strong drug for hairloss and it affected me physically, emotionally, mentally in a really bad way. I believe I’m through the worst of it and every day I think I get a little better. However, honestly, a lot of times I feel a little sick/under the weather and I’m not every hour of every day going to be craving sex. There are going to be sometimes when I really won’t want it, and some times when I really do. But most of the time, I can have sex but there will be a part of my brain that’s a little disconnected”

Idk, how does that sound? Someone like me has to kinda plan out what I’d say even i’d never say it. I don’t like to have no plan.

There will probably be a separate talk about having kids because I don’t really know if I can still have them on PFS. I know others have had them and they’re so lucky! But my semen volume is like 1/3 or less of what I was producing with each shot prior to PFS so I’m a little worried. Also, a lot of the times, it just doesn’t shoot as far so I’m worried there will be some issues with that if I’m lucky enough to find someone.

#82

Lots of people here have had healthy children. There are enough healthy kids out there at this point where we know PFS isn’t passed onto offspring. Regarding “the talk”, if you are far enough along that you are having sex, you’re 1/2 there to a committed relationship. She will know something’s up without having to have that conversation about it and make the decision to continue with the relationship. Sex is just one piece of the puzzle and if you are willing to satisfy her in other ways (provide children, stability, etc) you would be surprised by the response you might get. But you don’t know unless you try.

#83

I have heard that people have had children since PFS but that befuddles me to a certain degree. For years my semen was completely clear. It’s now whiter most of the time but I can’t always shoot it out very far and the volume is low. Are others having these same symptoms and still getting women pregnant? It just seems like the perfect combo for fertility issues

Most of the women I’ve been on dates with in this age group mostly seem focused on finding a match and are taking things slow. The topic of kids and marriage has come up but not of sex. Given PFS and my terrible anxiety about all this I would want to have that talk before intercourse. Because of the issues I think there’s a good chance she would notice I’m not 100% hard or maybe having issues keeping it really hard.

Did you get into sex before having the pfs talk and if so how did the sex go? Good enough that your partner could tell you had issues?

And i assume you had the PFS talk with your spouse at some point. I’m curious as to how she responded. I would assume a lot of people would somewhat not believe our experiences even if they don’t want to outright say that

#84

If you want to talk about it, make sure you don’t do it in a self-pitying way

Did you ever see the movie “the heavenly kid”? It’s a silly (but fun) movie from the 80s. Father comes back from the dead to help his kid with life and the ladies. One of the most important bits of advice he gives his kid is that he has to present this image of confidence. Whatever happens he can handle it. “I got it covered” is the phrase he uses to show that whatever life throws at him, he has it covered…he can handle it.

It’s very easy to let PFS do your head in and the worst thing you can do is approach a woman with some kind of inferiority complex. We’re damaged goods, but we don’t have to act like it. If you have a lack of confidence, it’s going to show, and it’s going to be off-putting for the girl.

I think all of us lack confidence and that’s why many of us took finasteride in the first place. PFS changed the whole way I look at the world. Now I see the girl with the breast implants as the least confident girl in the room. We should have just “owned” the baldness, but what’s done is done.

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#85

deleted

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#86

I would like to share my experience as I have been into physical relationship on and off.
I was struck with PFS in March 2015 and I got married in June 2015. Got separated from my wife after 4 years of marriage primarily due to almost no physical intimacy between us. In 4 years(48 months )of courtship I think I didn’t/couldn’t make physical relationship for any more than 12 times. And even those 12 times were not pleasurable enough for my partner. Obviously the relationship had to end.
Either I didn’t feel like making love or if I felt then I didn’t get erection. Such was the situation when often my partner made advances.
The thought of getting into another relationship is horrifying to me as I think of what would I do or be able to do.

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#87

Man, I’m so sorry to hear this. I do have questions if you’re willing to answer them. Like, did you have a discussion with your wife about pfs? How did she respond? How did you explain it? What kind of communication did you have as the relationship continued through these difficulties?

The first few years of my PFS it was like a living hell. Even looking at a woman and thinking about sex actually made me feel sick so i can imagine how difficult it was with someone else’s expectations making you feel even more pressure.

I’ll have more to ask about, i’m sure, but I don’t want to bombard you with questions. Just know that I relate to what you’re going through and share the same fears as you do

#88

@nate99
I didn’t disclose to my wife about PFS primarily for the following three reasons:

  1. For almost 2 years I myself had no clue of what had happened to me. It was only after 2 years and few months after my crash in May 2015 that I accidentally discovered this forum online while digging the internet on possible reasons for my impotence. By this time my relationship had already become irrepairable and I was only waiting for us to part our ways. There was no scope of communication.
  2. I don’t know which part of the globe you are from and if you can understand what is common in India where I am from but here marrying a stranger whome you have never met or known or interacted is a common practice and I too married the same way so it was further more difficult to establish the rapport without sex being the binding force.
  3. Don’t take me wrong as it is my personal opinion but I believe that a man’s heart can be filled with love for a woman out of emotion and sympathy but women don’t act that way. For them sympathy can never convert into love. A woman always needs a man who can fulfill her desires, a man who is strong, potent, wise, witty, etc. Women don’t look up to man who is weak, distressed, dipressed, needs help or compassion or sympathy. They might sympathize with you but will never stick with you. I might be wrong though.

However even though she didn’t know about PFS as I never told her but whether it is PFS or it is some other reason the end result would be same which is no desire and no sex.
The worst part is that I neither felt like doing it and if I felt/tried then I could not attain erection.
I feel sad not only for myself but also for my wife as it was not her fault.

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#89

I too became father of a male child without any problem at all but most probably all the credit goes to my partner.

As far as the semen is concerned I too have much less volume after PFS and I too can not shoot it at all. It just spills out; that’s it. Furthermore even in my case the semen was much clear before PFS however it is thick and white now.

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#90

Hi sorry for the late reply. Wow, that’s just rough. To go through pfs with a partner that is practically a stranger and not feel like you can open up about it all. I can totally understand given the timing and circumstances how you ended up not disclosing it. Are you still married to this woman now? Would it help to try to explain any of this to her? But I guess there’s no real connection between you as it is

I’m really happy to hear that out of all of this adversity, you got to father a son. Not all of us are going to be so lucky and there are times when I just really understand how much was stolen from me. Well, gives me some hope that even with the lowered volume, watery semen, and lack of shooting distance, you did impregnate someone. Not that that is ever going to happen for me but it’s good to know that’s still a possibility if the right situation comes along

#91

Dating is out for me. I will never be able to get past the initial conversation/flirty stage. My brain is too destroyed and I’m 99% in hell mentally.

Was talking to a girl initial convo was good bc I was doing not too bad for a week or so. Then all went to hell now I can even form a thought. She texts me and its like a high pressure nightmare and then I just say some garbage. No fun, no confidence nothing. Like I feel absolutely brain dead and miserable when a woman texts me. Literally like my brain hurts and feels a dulling empty ache. And even when I muster something it’s trash. So yeah.

I don’t see dating as an option again unless she’s very desperate herself and clingy which isn’t good.

Fuck this condition

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#92

Follow up^

I was loosely dating somone until recently. Well we were together nearly everyday but never thought of ourselves as dating. She was very sweet and kind to me. Accommodating to my crashes, issues, cognition and intimacy issues (up to a point) . She became my best friedn and although sex got awkward because of PE we still were very close and nurturing. She moved back home for the summer and I had plans to visit. She would call and text everyday saying she misses me. But we had a disagreement after I had crashed after taking lamb pancreas glandular . I was so miserable and foggy I shouldn’t jave been on the phone. Anyway thing got misconstrued and she was upset. That sent my crash into absolute hell. Crying inconsolable. Utter derealization hell nightmare forna few days. We started chatting a bit again but then ghosted one day and I asked if she needed space and then said she had met someone. Fuckn hell. Im even okay with it tbh but it’s just another stressor because her love and comfort really helped me and I truly care about her. So dat8ng is not impossible. But just have the mind of taking everythjng as it comes and keeping it as light and breezy as you possibly can and expect and prepare for it have an end date

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#93

Sorry to hear about that. It sounds like you got a little bit of happiness though which is more than a lot of us get with this condition.

#94

Briefly yes. I had all but forgotten what it felt like

#95

I feel so bad for you all. My empathy, sympathy, and condolences go out to everyone. I wish you all a recovery.

(I’m not pity partying)

Since my sexual recovery, I have not dated, but I have had “one night stand” as well as “friends with benefits” arrangements, and other categories of encounters I will not divulge. I would very much love to date a woman who recovered. It would be the most romantic connection fathomable. A big barrier to relationships for me is missing/damaged teeth. This long predated saw palmetto (I never used finasteride), and saw didn’t make the dental woes worse though.

I would like to emphasize something: Putting something “in my (your) head” does not work. If I tell myself I cannot get an erection, guess what, I get an erection. If I tell myself I cannot keep an erection, guess what, I stay erect. Furthermore, if I say ejaculation force, volume, and sensitivity is weak, guess what, it is so strong I temporarily freeze up with the first 2 spurts of ejaculation. Understand my point? The mind cannot cause sexual dysfunction.

PS: I had an erection typing this.

(I’m not bragging either!)

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Issues after 5 saw palmetto pills
#96

I agree wholeheartedly - even without PFS, most relationships in young/adulthood (<= 40) are roller-coaster.

That said, even in those age groups, there are always people who will match better or worse with one’s own constitution and the way how we as humans can be functional or dysfunctional individually allows for all sorts of relationships - more obstacles (usually, not even always) means that the search is longer, but I’ve seen people in the worst conditions find meaningful stable relationships.

It likely just means you haven’t found the right person yet and/or struggle to make concessions about what you want out of a relationship (which is hard) - no matter how specially bad your circumstances are, it’s highly likely that someone out there wants to be with you if you show that you want to make it work in a way that will be a net positive for both of you and more kinds of stable relationship arrangements exist than we can think of.

Take care!

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#97

Beautifully said

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#98

Hi, what has happened to your teeth? Cavities? Broken?

#99

Hi, @ Go_Faster_Sonic

I am no stranger to cavities or broken teeth, unfortunately. Missing, discolored, impacted, etc.

It has been nearly a lifelong ordeal, so allow me to reiterate: This long predated saw palmetto (I never used finasteride), and saw didn’t make the dental woes worse though.