Has anyone considered trying to date again?

General Discussion
#84

If you want to talk about it, make sure you don’t do it in a self-pitying way

Did you ever see the movie “the heavenly kid”? It’s a silly (but fun) movie from the 80s. Father comes back from the dead to help his kid with life and the ladies. One of the most important bits of advice he gives his kid is that he has to present this image of confidence. Whatever happens he can handle it. “I got it covered” is the phrase he uses to show that whatever life throws at him, he has it covered…he can handle it.

It’s very easy to let PFS do your head in and the worst thing you can do is approach a woman with some kind of inferiority complex. We’re damaged goods, but we don’t have to act like it. If you have a lack of confidence, it’s going to show, and it’s going to be off-putting for the girl.

I think all of us lack confidence and that’s why many of us took finasteride in the first place. PFS changed the whole way I look at the world. Now I see the girl with the breast implants as the least confident girl in the room. We should have just “owned” the baldness, but what’s done is done.

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#85

deleted

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#86

I would like to share my experience as I have been into physical relationship on and off.
I was struck with PFS in March 2015 and I got married in June 2015. Got separated from my wife after 4 years of marriage primarily due to almost no physical intimacy between us. In 4 years(48 months )of courtship I think I didn’t/couldn’t make physical relationship for any more than 12 times. And even those 12 times were not pleasurable enough for my partner. Obviously the relationship had to end.
Either I didn’t feel like making love or if I felt then I didn’t get erection. Such was the situation when often my partner made advances.
The thought of getting into another relationship is horrifying to me as I think of what would I do or be able to do.

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#87

Man, I’m so sorry to hear this. I do have questions if you’re willing to answer them. Like, did you have a discussion with your wife about pfs? How did she respond? How did you explain it? What kind of communication did you have as the relationship continued through these difficulties?

The first few years of my PFS it was like a living hell. Even looking at a woman and thinking about sex actually made me feel sick so i can imagine how difficult it was with someone else’s expectations making you feel even more pressure.

I’ll have more to ask about, i’m sure, but I don’t want to bombard you with questions. Just know that I relate to what you’re going through and share the same fears as you do

#88

@nate99
I didn’t disclose to my wife about PFS primarily for the following three reasons:

  1. For almost 2 years I myself had no clue of what had happened to me. It was only after 2 years and few months after my crash in May 2015 that I accidentally discovered this forum online while digging the internet on possible reasons for my impotence. By this time my relationship had already become irrepairable and I was only waiting for us to part our ways. There was no scope of communication.
  2. I don’t know which part of the globe you are from and if you can understand what is common in India where I am from but here marrying a stranger whome you have never met or known or interacted is a common practice and I too married the same way so it was further more difficult to establish the rapport without sex being the binding force.
  3. Don’t take me wrong as it is my personal opinion but I believe that a man’s heart can be filled with love for a woman out of emotion and sympathy but women don’t act that way. For them sympathy can never convert into love. A woman always needs a man who can fulfill her desires, a man who is strong, potent, wise, witty, etc. Women don’t look up to man who is weak, distressed, dipressed, needs help or compassion or sympathy. They might sympathize with you but will never stick with you. I might be wrong though.

However even though she didn’t know about PFS as I never told her but whether it is PFS or it is some other reason the end result would be same which is no desire and no sex.
The worst part is that I neither felt like doing it and if I felt/tried then I could not attain erection.
I feel sad not only for myself but also for my wife as it was not her fault.

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#89

I too became father of a male child without any problem at all but most probably all the credit goes to my partner.

As far as the semen is concerned I too have much less volume after PFS and I too can not shoot it at all. It just spills out; that’s it. Furthermore even in my case the semen was much clear before PFS however it is thick and white now.

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#90

Hi sorry for the late reply. Wow, that’s just rough. To go through pfs with a partner that is practically a stranger and not feel like you can open up about it all. I can totally understand given the timing and circumstances how you ended up not disclosing it. Are you still married to this woman now? Would it help to try to explain any of this to her? But I guess there’s no real connection between you as it is

I’m really happy to hear that out of all of this adversity, you got to father a son. Not all of us are going to be so lucky and there are times when I just really understand how much was stolen from me. Well, gives me some hope that even with the lowered volume, watery semen, and lack of shooting distance, you did impregnate someone. Not that that is ever going to happen for me but it’s good to know that’s still a possibility if the right situation comes along

#91

Dating is out for me. I will never be able to get past the initial conversation/flirty stage. My brain is too destroyed and I’m 99% in hell mentally.

Was talking to a girl initial convo was good bc I was doing not too bad for a week or so. Then all went to hell now I can even form a thought. She texts me and its like a high pressure nightmare and then I just say some garbage. No fun, no confidence nothing. Like I feel absolutely brain dead and miserable when a woman texts me. Literally like my brain hurts and feels a dulling empty ache. And even when I muster something it’s trash. So yeah.

I don’t see dating as an option again unless she’s very desperate herself and clingy which isn’t good.

Fuck this condition

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#92

Follow up^

I was loosely dating somone until recently. Well we were together nearly everyday but never thought of ourselves as dating. She was very sweet and kind to me. Accommodating to my crashes, issues, cognition and intimacy issues (up to a point) . She became my best friedn and although sex got awkward because of PE we still were very close and nurturing. She moved back home for the summer and I had plans to visit. She would call and text everyday saying she misses me. But we had a disagreement after I had crashed after taking lamb pancreas glandular . I was so miserable and foggy I shouldn’t jave been on the phone. Anyway thing got misconstrued and she was upset. That sent my crash into absolute hell. Crying inconsolable. Utter derealization hell nightmare forna few days. We started chatting a bit again but then ghosted one day and I asked if she needed space and then said she had met someone. Fuckn hell. Im even okay with it tbh but it’s just another stressor because her love and comfort really helped me and I truly care about her. So dat8ng is not impossible. But just have the mind of taking everythjng as it comes and keeping it as light and breezy as you possibly can and expect and prepare for it have an end date

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#93

Sorry to hear about that. It sounds like you got a little bit of happiness though which is more than a lot of us get with this condition.

#94

Briefly yes. I had all but forgotten what it felt like

#95

I feel so bad for you all. My empathy, sympathy, and condolences go out to everyone. I wish you all a recovery.

(I’m not pity partying)

Since my sexual recovery, I have not dated, but I have had “one night stand” as well as “friends with benefits” arrangements, and other categories of encounters I will not divulge. I would very much love to date a woman who recovered. It would be the most romantic connection fathomable. A big barrier to relationships for me is missing/damaged teeth. This long predated saw palmetto (I never used finasteride), and saw didn’t make the dental woes worse though.

I would like to emphasize something: Putting something “in my (your) head” does not work. If I tell myself I cannot get an erection, guess what, I get an erection. If I tell myself I cannot keep an erection, guess what, I stay erect. Furthermore, if I say ejaculation force, volume, and sensitivity is weak, guess what, it is so strong I temporarily freeze up with the first 2 spurts of ejaculation. Understand my point? The mind cannot cause sexual dysfunction.

PS: I had an erection typing this.

(I’m not bragging either!)

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Issues after 5 saw palmetto pills
#96

I agree wholeheartedly - even without PFS, most relationships in young/adulthood (<= 40) are roller-coaster.

That said, even in those age groups, there are always people who will match better or worse with one’s own constitution and the way how we as humans can be functional or dysfunctional individually allows for all sorts of relationships - more obstacles (usually, not even always) means that the search is longer, but I’ve seen people in the worst conditions find meaningful stable relationships.

It likely just means you haven’t found the right person yet and/or struggle to make concessions about what you want out of a relationship (which is hard) - no matter how specially bad your circumstances are, it’s highly likely that someone out there wants to be with you if you show that you want to make it work in a way that will be a net positive for both of you and more kinds of stable relationship arrangements exist than we can think of.

Take care!

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#97

Beautifully said

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#98

Hi, what has happened to your teeth? Cavities? Broken?

#99

Hi, @Go_Faster_Sonic

I am no stranger to cavities or broken teeth, unfortunately. Missing, discolored, impacted, etc.

It has been nearly a lifelong ordeal, so allow me to reiterate: This long predated saw palmetto (I never used finasteride), and saw didn’t make the dental woes worse though.

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#100

@Taw hello and thank you for your answer… Next question is: did you go the the dentist or similar during or after your crash? Did you do things like removing the cavities or repairing the broken teeth etc…

#102

@Go_Faster_Sonic
I have been to many dentists before saw palmetto. They were open to removing cavities and fixing broken teeth until I mentioned the money problems, then they arbitrarily wanted to extract them instead. I never went to any doctor for my saw palmetto crash. I knew it would be a waste of money and time to do so. I have gone to them for other unrelated reasons. I did see an oral surgeon (basically a glorified dentist) for an impacted wisdom tooth removal around a year and a half after saw palmetto.

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#103

@Taw so neither cavities nor any teeth rebuilding whatsoever since your crash, right?

I was asking because i do have cavities and i have also become sensitive to both antiandrogenic stuff and chemicals… So what if the dentist, after drilling my teeth, will reconstruct it with materials that my body won’t tolerate?

While in the multiple chemical sensitivity community the problem seems to be fixed (or almost that) in the pfs community i have not seen any sort of recommendation for the dental care…

#104

@ Go_Faster_Sonic
I didn’t clarify that I chose to hold onto my teeth as long as possible. I took the advice of those who went through it, removing their teeth and regretting it rather than a person in a white robe who is trying to fill their wallets that has not gone through it. I think what you are seeking are responses as to whether anyone reacted positively or negatively to anesthetics, antibiotics, or filling material. I had no problem with the anesthetics or antibiotics I was given. It baffles me that mercury based fillings are common in my country. The most toxic element below the radioactive ones is 50 percent of the material. What could go wrong? Further baffling is that toothpaste here uses sodium flouride instead of calcium flouride. After all, teeth is mostly calcium, not sodium. You can ask the dentists in your country what material they use for the fillings. Implantable teeth are made of titanium here, unlike the fillings.

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