Feeling really depressed!

General Discussion
#1

Got a call from an ex girlfriend. She and her husband have moved local and want me to do their garden. Nice to see them and all that but being there and with them and their 4 kids I couldn’t help but think what does my life hold for me. I am 35 now with no indication of recovering from this affliction.

It’s funny but I always feel the lowest when the sun is shining and the world seems so inviting.

It’s been 2 years now without taking a reductase inhibitor and no sigh of any emergence of life in the libido department. My family and Mother want me to provide grand children but although I can theoretically do that, having to converse with an understanding women and let her know what has happened to me and why is too much to bear. It’s not fair to expect a women to live in a sexless relationship either.

I feel doomed today. A very low day. I need to go and do my exercise and aim to recover but all I want to do is curl up in bed!

#2

Hang in there man…the next 18 months hold a lot of hope for us: research on the cause of PFS, the PFS Foundation and added media attention. Our story is getting out there - hang on for now - because once we find a cure for this - NO ONE will enjoy life more than the PFS guys.

#3

Thanks Jorbie! It does help in a small way that the world contains people, complete strangers like yourself who have nothing to gain from taking the time to give a brother a few words of reassurance but take the time to do so regardless!

Peace bro

#4

I’ve been where you are - I hope your day got better. We are all in this together - so anytime you need to talk, let me know.

#5

count your blessings. you can go to gym and do some exercise. It looks like you sides are sexual only. There are many who are physically doomed. I am one of them. Have lost my job and career in gutter (was working as network Engineer). I don’t think I will ever go back(mental and physical weakness, loss of muscles, joint pain etc).

#6

Thanks again. It did slightly. Went for a jog and did some hill sprints as well. Took the edge off just about.

#7

Yeah I feel for you man. I’ve been reading your posts for a few years now cos I although I stopped fully 2 years ago I went off and on for years before that. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I wish you all the best for the future!

#8

No matter how different all our sides may be, even our life stories and backgrounds, we are all family here who need to support each other through the ups and downs of it all. Just try and take each chapter in this 1 step at a time, and one day we’ll all be better. I have faith in the PFS Foundation that we will someday soon know how to treat this. Until then lets all eat right, exercise daily, try and stay stress free, and lets be here for one another when need be :slight_smile:

#9

Hi everybody,

Not having a good day here… actually, not having a good year at all. Suffering since January 2006.
But today i am feeling like i am running out of strengh to deal with this. I feel no energy, feel down and hopeless.
I am losing support from my family, everybody thinks it is all in my head. I am having symptoms of Addison’s disease. But i am not sure hydrocortisone would be a good idea. So tired of the roller coster, i just don’t feel strong to try anything.
My mind keeps going to a place i never thought i would be… This place is “i can’t deal with this anymore”. What if we all have a limit of what we can deal with? I don’t know, i have tried everything and much more than what you can think of… it has been a non stop everyday battle for seven years. I have had good recovery-rest periods, only to come back to this place again to my disappointment.
I am completely broke starting this month… I have gone from a person with a good savings account to this place. So that is why it is so important to have family support as i live with my mother. She is arguing with me about my diet. And wants me to eat like everyone else… Diet is my last resource as to feel better.
Because of all the downs and the episodes in which i really felt i could die (severe allergic reactions, food reactions, medication reactions), i have developed post traumatic stress symptoms.
This is the only place i can be 100% honest about everything i am going through (as even my psychologist does not believe in finasteride symptoms).
You know… What one is supposed to do? You lose your strengh to make money, you feel funny all the time, you lose all things that used to give you pleasure (sex, work, friends, foods you can’t eat anymore). On top of that everybody is against you… Really hard place to be. It makes me wonder if there is a solution. I am totally against suicide. My wonder is i simply am reaching my limit… I am human for God’s sake… This is too much! Not even an antidepressant or a tranquilizer i can take! One needs pleasure and strengh to feed himself everyday, to move on with life.
Sorry about the long post. I just need to vent it out today as i need encouragement. Thank you all

#10

Sorry to hear of your troubles correiovip!

Where you are is a very tough place. You feel unwell physically and this spills to mentally. The line gets blurred and after a while you become spiritually affected. Losing the faith and support of those around you only makes the path appear even more dark and difficult and lonely. I know you feel fractured in every way, I know because I am the same and your post is my post in a way. It may as well have been written by myself it’s so close to the way I can sometimes feel.

In total honesty my position currently a little better than yours cos I have built up more energy as the years go by and that helps a lot. When you have no energy people think you are lazy and then they lose respect for you cos they can’t understand your struggle. It’s horrible. I work outdoors and I think that helps. I also take melatonin to sleep so my sleeping is very good which also helps. Over the last 2 years I have regained some vigour. I take ZMA every night which I think helps and I try to exercise as much as possible. If you have no energy do short exercises but as hard as you can. What ever it may be do it fast and hard and over time build up frequency and duration if you can.

I’m sorry I can’t be of any help to you but know that at least here you can be truly honest about your suffering and we wont sit in judgement.

Peace to everyone!

#11

I honestly believe that this^ type of goodwill to one another will get us through this in the end. No matter how long it takes:-)

#12

You are helping! Thanks for the support.

#13

Deadballs, correiovip improvements for you guys

Reading these posts I see as a “simple pill” can destroy a person’s life, my life is over at 17 I lost one of the best phases of life, each time I feel it I feel more depressed the point of wanting to kill myself, my life is over I have no more social life, no friends, merck should read all the posts to see how she destroyed the lives of millions of people

#14

Hi Mirai,

I know it is awful to be in this situation so young. But worse than that is getting to a point where you feel you can’t function. If you can still study or work, consider yourself lucky. If you can exercise, do it! You will feel much better!

#15

I am having a bad day again. It is not even a bad depression, it is a feeling of ‘being pointless’. This is how i feel today. Everything seems pointless. No matter how much i fight, how i try to find solutions, how much effort i put in being better, i come back to the same place. No matter how much i try to preserve myself to avoid problems, they arise anyways. So tired of this. I don’t even know who i am anymore. Nothing seems gratifying. I am pushing myself to find reasons to do everything, but all i can feel is i want to be away from everybody, live by myself, just ‘abandon’ myself. Not suicide, but not trying anything else. Just do whatever is necessary to survive, and let time go by. Hopefully go by fast.
I used to be someone driven to help improve peoples lives, to make the world a better place. I used to be happy by seeing other people grow, by helping others, by seeing people be happy. I can’t feel these feelings right now, and it is very frustrating. You know, this could be a motivation to live, to help improve other peoples lives, as i don’t care for anything for myself anymore. But it is really sad that i can’t find motivation even to to what i liked the most before. Yesterday i caught myself thinking ‘If i sleep twelve hours a day it is half day that is already gone.’ Dude, that is insane. No one should think like that. I am tired of being scared. Every time i have a minor health problem, and i have to use a prescription drug, it is an ordeal. Any drug i take changes my balance. So sick of it.
What the f… We don’t even have an oficial diagnosis. No matter how much suffering i also have to be considered lazy, crazy, psychologically ill. Man…
I am strongly against suicide. However, i keep asking myself how i will manage to live like this for another 40 or 50 years. I hope i have the strengh to push myself all that time.

#16

Hang in there…I know how you feel. I have bad days myself…but don’t think about the future. While we don’t know when this thing will be fixed, I also have doubts it will take 40 years to find a cure. Once the lawsuits force Merck to help find a cure - then it will be a matter of time. Until then - do what I do - take it day by day - and try and get out and exercise. Also Remeron helped me a TON in regards to my sleep - which has helped with the other mental symptoms. So if insomnia is one of your symptoms - I would suggest trying 15 mg Remeron. You will get through this - I know it.

#17

That feeling comes and goes for me also. Some people used to even consider me a great person. By that I mean someone who was exuberant and could draw the best from the people that surrounded me. I used to feel elated by giving my positive energy to someone and seeing them benefit from it. Now as you say I don’t feel much of anything any more. I still have a chuckle at things now and then I guess but as far as making people around me happy and buzz, or myself, that ability is long gone.

I often secretly hope for a painless illness to take me so the misery can end. I’m a paradox of the person I was before.

We have to just keep on keeping on. There is hope!