Yes Joe, even getting a menial job is hard for me…
Feel too ugly, miserable, destroyed to get going…like a beat on, spit on, abused, poisoned, sick & crippled dog.
You need to get away from your dad. Maybe he’s in turmoil from your mother dying and taking it out on you, or maybe he’s just an asshole. Either way you should not be living with him under normal circumstances let alone pfs. If you’re so fucked can you not just go on disabilty?
Yes all of the above, i am lucky. Sleep ins, walks, work with one other person, have a good friend.
I have a parents that are really worried about me. But the problem is they believe it’s all in my head, they believe that i have a big depression and that the depression is causing all my problems, including brain fog (although it’s true depression can cause some kind of brain fog, i don’t think it has nothing to do with our brain fog). Why they believe that? Because i’ve done lots of tests and all of them came back normal (except for one liver test). The worst thing about this illness is that we cannot show anyone a test that demonstrates we have health problems.
So having a supportive parents is not helping me, because now that we’ve seen doctors telling me i have no problems, i’m visiting with my parents a psychiatrist, who wants me to take an antidepressant.
It’s sad that we have our life ruined by this problems, but it’s even more sad that we cannot prove our problems.
Robertino,
I’m so sorry to hear about your current situation. 
I’d like you to consider something bro… This life, it’s pretty short and you know we tend to have a skewed view of things (and ourselves) while we live it. Let me explain. I don’t know you personally but you seem like a great guy to me. It takes a special kind of person to nurse a loved one through their dying moments, that’s not something everyone would do… even for their own mothers. So I can tell you’re a person of great character. I can also tell that you’re much too hard on yourself. Ease up. I bet you’re not as ugly as you claim you are, in fact you probably look just fine. Do you think most people who see you care one way or another about your appearance? Probably not. They have their own hangups, dramas, aspirations and faults to be busy with. You mentioned that you may have BDD… well this is treatable friend, go and get help for this… you DON’T have to live with it. In terms of your living arrangements… it sounds like your dad has his own demons, don’t make them your own. When he’s saying all that stuff about you… it’s really about him and his own problems/frustrations etc. You definitely need to get out as soon as it’s feasible but in the meantime try to limit conversation with him when he’s being abusive and accept that the only power he has over your emotional state is the power you give him. I know it’s easier said than done but you really have all the power in this equation (as far as your own emotional state… barring chemical and psychological problems which are treatable).
Also… remember this bro. When you’re dead and gone people won’t remember you for how you look but for what you did. Do something that makes you happy and that contributes to the wider community.
Wishing you well,
(ps Chi gave you some awesome advice… take your health in your own hands)
You obviously dont know how debilitating this condition is.
Did my post sound dismissive? I hope not, that certainly wasn’t my intention. I stand by what I said though.
I tend to agree with what you said as well. Your post was very positive. A great post really.
Its likely that we all suffer from various degrees of cognitive/depression/anxiety related symptoms. I’ll preface with that. But there’s still a huge part of this that involves overcoming the mental hurdle… the victim mindset. That’s debilitating in and of itself. There are positive things in and around our lives. The moment I choose to realize my social anxiety, and other PFS issues, were real and face them head on - put myself in uncomfortable situations, find ways to work around my issues as opposed to run from them and keep it all bottled inside - that was a positive step forward for me.
I still deal with these issues every day. Like I said, its likely we all have varying degrees of these symptoms; there are likely those who deal with higher degrees of these symptoms. I get that. However, do not underestimate the power of the mind in overcoming and finding peace within.
I’m grateful for the kind words, advice and sentiment’s. Please keep this thread going…I still am looking into finding the best outlet for me. I know that after all these years suffering, is that a place to heal is what I certainly seek.
In regard’s to the above comment: the trouble and frustrating thing with the ongoing cognitive issues, I suffer from, and other’s, is that we also deal with terrible daily headaches, head tightness/pressure. This has been ongoing for years since stopping. The other alarming thing, is that certain foods or liquid’s make the cognitive issue’s worse. So, it isn’t only a case of lacking sheer willpower of mind, or by simply thinking positively; there are also oftentimes physical and digestive component’s associated with the cognitive disruption all seemingly tied together. A very frustrating and frighteningly complex issue. I’m sure most are so drained like myself, from fighting this condition, because it’s incredible uncomfortable, for one thing, it’s constantly there, and hard to live through on the daily. I swear, it get’s so bad that you feel as if your leaving a party stoned or drunk off your ass, and trying to get back home in one piece. In the end, it’s like your not fully conscious, or aware, yet you seem to be relying solely on muscle memory or instinct’s just to guide you and get you through another day. Lack of food or fasting also helps improve the condition. Does that sound like depression or anxiety anyone?
I wonder if I could chip in here and ask for some advice of my own (without meaning to take the subject away from you Roberto), but I myself have been wondering these last few weeks what is the best place for one to try and recover.
Right now I have a dilemma between accepting a job I’d really quite like in the big city, or taking a more low-key job that I don’t mind (but which is less prestigious/career-oriented) in a smaller city, where I’d have more time to focus on health issues.
I can’t work out whether it’s better to try and tackle this problem whilst building a career and doing something I really value (i’ve just left uni) but also trying to live the city life, or to take a step back for a while to try and deal with things. I accept that the city job would improve my self-esteem, but the lower-key job would allow me to focus totally on recovering from this as best I can.
What do you reckon is more important: Self-esteem or a chilled out environment?
I don’t think anyone can tell you what’s the best option there Franz. The big job in the city could give you a confidence boost as well as keep your mind stimulated. However, it might be stressful and your health could take a backseat spot. The smaller job in the town will allow you time to focus on your health more and relaxing but then again you might get bored and start feeling as if you aren’t doing enough with your life. It might not actually make any difference whatsoever, where you are or what your doing, so if i were you i would simply follow your instinct as you would without PFS.
Congratulations on finishing University. Where and what did you study? i just dropped out of my second year at university so i am looking for standard, menial jobs. Anxiety started to destroy me and i just couldn’t handle a course that i wasn’t that keen on anyway when i was so unhappy in the rest of my life.
Sorry to hear you had to drop out, but try and find the opportunities from that happening. There’s always opportunities.
I graduated from Oxford with a degree in Geography. I enjoyed the degree though, which definitely helped.
I can’t believe you can actually fathom that. I certainly can’t even imagine that part of my ego anymore. It’s been stamped out by this illlness.
I think it’s great that other’s are starting to talk about this, as I’m reassured that I’m not the only one with these issue’s.
Franz, take the chilled out environment. Hands Down. Good luck.
I think ego has no place in my life any longer. Propecia destroyed that. It was the old me. The superficial, good looking, great hair, creative, charming, well dressed and go getting. The new me is one that MUST heal.
You could take the self destructive route, deny reality (propecia use has destroyed our natural balance), which would eventually kill you sooner, and you might literally fall apart, and certainly age much sooner, break down with more probable health issues. Before all this, I was a top ‘mod’ or modernist. I loved clothes, good music, fashion, looks, good looking girls and a bright future in the arts. I felt and looked my very best. I was 34 when i took the pull, but was actually mistaken for a 21 year old many times. I had swagger and confidence to boot! I took that pill.
Now, I have health issues and look much destroyed, stressed and aged. I feel cursed or even punished by God…sad.
You could do the high road, as I could have prior to this tragedy, but it would be self destructive for me personally.
It would be counter productive to chase my formal life and the high road ladder now.
I would literally become a speeding, racing ship in outer space trying to break through earth’s atmosphere…falling apart to bits and burned alive. We are burned out and need time to heal.
Be honest with yourself. It might take years mate, so do yourself a favor and don’t pour gas on your wounds. I personally can’t handle much of any stress any longer. I’m still looking for a plan or goal towards putting myself in the best position to heal.
Money or ego is so unimportant to me, and how could it be, when my mind, senses and dulled intellect don’t see reality the same way it was…reality is altered as is the mind, constanly imbalanced. I can’t feel love or anything for that matter like I used to.
Perfect way to describe this. We are like zombies or like the documented LSD user’s who never ‘came back to earth’ after their drug trips (syd barrett-pink floyd founder) or even chemically lobotomized. I’m absolutely jealous that you can actuallly think of ego. You are blessed man. I lost that capacity.
Not a criticism at all, but Franz; if your imbalanced, feel unhealthy or chemically cognitively lobotomized, then how could you even think of ego or great success?
I personally had great dreams and had to place all my ambition on hold and forced change.
Healing is the most important thing for me. My condition is so bad, like a diabetic’s, or brain damaged victim’s, that I have no choice but to constantly think about it daily and try to heal.
This guy really really helped me through everything. You can email him (for free) on his website, too.
Who are you referring to? Thanks
i’m not sure if my post got deleted out of here or i’m just being delusional…
but i wanted to say i want to move to hawaii for a month or so and just surf everyday and get in some serious vitamin D exposure.
Good shit Bryce. Hawaii sounds like a great place to heal for a bit and lick wounds. Surfing is def. pretty damn cool.
The D will help.
I guess I started this post to generate some idea’s for permanent alternative living arrangements, that would help with the healing process. I suppose it was for the ‘minority’ of guys on here who are stuck being mad sick from propecia AND stuck in a negative living situation. Double fucked lives. Some of us would like to simply move away somewhere far and hide somewhere nice. Propecia really changed some of us entirely, and the people around us no longer look at us the same way. We are like leper’s to them. Some parents of my certain friends say I look like a drug addict. It’s because I keep a low profile and have a hard time working any jobs. I look haggard and tired all the time and my former confident enthusiastic self is gone. Some of us feel rejected in this way. Some of us are treated terribly and made to feel worse, insulted, and repulsed by the new post propecia you. So, certain people and loved one’s, that you counted on, might not really believe you, might think your weird, on drugs, or not have any love for you for that matter. I personally have been made an example of, and rejected by my friends and family.
I mean if your sick, then how could you possibly expect to heal in a dark place or home life. Some people need a complete fresh start, where nobody knows your name or what you were like before.
Keep in mind, I also went on sunny vacations when I had the loot and fucked up head from propecia.
The vacay’s helped, but it was always the same when I came home. No love, only electricity
What I’m getting at, is an environment that foster’s healing, should be a permanent, new and healthy ‘home base’ for you.
If you have one now, then you are very lucky for sure. Some of us on here, including myself, do not.
Not sure if you have cognitive propecia related illness or not, but physical activity does help. Good luck and have fun in the sun!
Hi @robertino_totti, im sorry to hear what youre going thru man. Know youre not alone. I am in the exact same place as you are now. How do you manage the cognitive impairment? Do you take any drug to get by at least?