1 year off. Only one solution I can still come up with. I need to buy a gun and put myself out of my misery. This condition will not get better. My progress has halted. My body has decided that my equilibrium is good enough and it feels no need to further correct itself. Well, I still have my say so. I won’t carry on living a half of a life. I will end this very soon. Sure I have good days, but then I’m back to square one. I ended my life June 20 2012 with my first pill. I stopped June 28, 2012. That’s nine days. Nine days was enough to poison my body beyond repair. I know what has to happen next. It’s just hard to bring myself to do it. My family will be hurt. But I can’t live anymore. The struggle outweighs any small benefit of existing.
scaredoutofmymind
Please send me a PM I want help you and talk with you.
scaredoutofmymind, instead of doing anything drastic you should turn your attention to the people who put you in this situation. If you take your life it means one less witness to fins side effects, merck and co will probably laugh when they hear of PFS sufferers taking their only lives because they know they will have less people to answer to.
I am one of the long time sufferers here. I’ve been to similiar points to where you are now. I can tell you death is not the answer. You may think it now, but I can assure you it’s not. I never contemplated suicide, but I sure the hell questioned whether life was worth living. When I was at my worst, I had what I would say was a vision. It wasn’t a dream because I was conscious. I was in my room one night just thinking about how bad things were and the grim reaper appeared at the foot of my bed. Do I think it was real? I don’t think so, but I can assure you of what I saw and he was standing there. He stood there, hovering over me, moonlight gleaming on the blade of his scythe that floated above his head. I couldn’t really see inside his hood and I sure the hell didn’t want to. He was there for maybe ten seconds, felt like hours and he reached towards me with his skeleton hand. His long index finger came towards me, frighteningly close and motioned with a “come hither”.
It was at that very moment it became VERY clear to me that life, indeed IS worth living, because I begged him not to take me… and I mean BEGGED. He was there for maybe 30 seconds, but it felt like hours. I know it was long enough where I didn’t think he was leaving alone. Then he turned and left. You can pass whatever judgement you want from that story, but the conclusion that came to me was and still is very clear. As changed as your life is, it’s still very precious. What happened was a good thing because that’s probably what it was going to take for me to come to that conclusion. Don’t do something that won’t allow you to come to the realization that life is still worth living. If you need to talk to someone, you have us ( feel free to pm me ) as well as your family or a professional. If you haven’t told any of your family members, I suggest you tell at least one or two. I took many years to do so, I wish I had done it sooner. It was a huge turning point for me and weight off my back. I still have some ups and downs and when I need a pepping up, I go on youtube and watch inspirational videos.
My yesterdays have taken away far too many tomorrows, but I will not allow them to take them all. One tomorrow will be our day, hang in there bud.
Almost at 2 yrs off now. Still want to end my life. Getting worse and worse. Ready to die. Wish id have saved myself the suffering and done it sooner.
Have you signed up for the Baylor or Harvard research?
I have tried the study at brigham university. Still awaiting a response adter I submitted information. I wont kill myself. I will get back on antidepressants and try to keep postiive, work out, and live as normally as possible. I would rather suffer than hurt my family. Even if it is for the rest of my life. I would almost be content if I could find a way to stop muscle atrophy. My hands and arms are getting weaker and weaker despite working out rigorously. Shoulders and arms smaller and weak. Unbelievable.
I thought muscle atrophy isnt progressive? Everbody had this but it stops at some point or we would die all of us…
Dude im 2 years off and the atrophy seems to be just beginning in the last 6 months badly
I suggest check 24 hours urine cortisol test i will do this asap. My face are destroyed by this shit like you.
I noticed the same thing. My left arm, hip, calf, back, knee, ribs, all feel more jacked then the right side. I notice this a lot more is the morning. Sometimes after I eat I get intense pain in my upper abdomen but more intense on the left side.
My yesterdays have taken away far too many tomorrows, but I will not allow them to take them all. One tomorrow will be our day, hang in there bud.
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Nice words man. Hang onto hope because things CAN happen. These studies might do the trick.
I see no reason to commit suicide at 25 years old. Im still able to work and enjoy time to myself. I was happy on zoloft I need to get back on the damned antidepressants for now. Going see the doctor tomorrow.
Did you hear back from the study?
Nope. My biggest mistake in this recovery was trying to get off my antidepressants and sleeping medicine. I just read my old journals and if you look at my old posts I was feeling pretty great and thought I was recovering. I can say now I feel as bad physically than ever. I may try to resume these medications despite decrease in libido.