Hello, guys!
I have a story to tell and I’m not sure if I have PFS.
I’m 25 year old male and I took finasteride 1 mg form 19 to 24 (almost 25), which I did for 12 months in a row and then “resting” for 1 month.
I have always been anxious (since very, very young - like 03 years old), generally worried as to my responsibilities and pretty much about almost everything in life.
Also, I aways felt kind of prone to have some sort of OCD (like overthinking stuff that wasn’t actually important to me) and a little depression…
Generally, tought, I used to be a pretty normal kid, who was always surrounded by friends, practiced sports, worked out, made out etc.
After I started taking the drug (when 19), I never felt any side effects (of course, I remained anxious, but I’d been always like that in my life) and neither did my older brothers, who took it for 10+ years.
Back then, I was in my second year of college, life was changing fast, lots of responsibilities, I was not satisfied with my professional choice and my family’s pressure for me to be a lawyer, which triggered lots of anxiety/depression outbreaks (well, I was already taking fin, but - as told - I had always been anxious)
When 21, I had a girlfriend and my libido was always sky high, could have sex for hours with her and I didn’t even got limp in between subsequent intercourses.
When we broke up, things remained pretty much the same for some time (I was 22)…
As time went by, I started to see my libido was, slowly going down. Sex wasn’t that pleasant anymore, but my erections were still ok.
My anxiety was present all the time, I felt depressed because I didn’t want to go through law school, and I think it lowered my libido even more (I used to take escitalopram oxalate and after took, but never had sides).
Also, my mom was treating a cancer (I’m sure u can guess how hard it is)…
I had insomnia, fatigue, poor immunologic system, low energy etc… but always related it to the bad things I was experiencing, not the drug…
Also, many things happened… I had HPV warts several times which made me feel terrible (even more anxious and depressed) and helped disconnect me from the “sexual world”…
I had been a porn user since 10 years old (first pictures of women in bikinis, then playboy magazines, porn pictures, soft-core porn, then hardcore porn etc.).
My taste for porn escalated over the years, as I my sexual interactions started to be less frequent, due to depression, anxiety and the recurrent sexual related problems I experienced. I never felt addicted to it, tought (well, maybe when I was a teenager).
During that process, I had been always taking the drug, but never related any of that to it.
From 23 to 24 years old, I noticed I could only get hard to very specific porn videos and that my erections were getting weaker (“I’m getting experienced, this childish thing does not arouse me anymore”, that’s what I tought).
Back then, my mental health would vary from “ok” to “anxious, then depressed”, I felt a lot of guilt because I was not doing things I was supposed to do, since I didn’t like law(my studies weren’t well, had no interest in my job etc.). Well, I don’t know if I was depressed because of that or if I thought I didn’t like law school because I was depressed…
I still could have sex when I got to do it, altought - for many occasions - I had delayed ejaculation and had to finish it with my own hands, either because I couldn’t reach orgasm at or because sex wasn’t that pleasant anymore, so I wanted to get over with it.
Life was such a bore, nothing would turn me one anymore, I felt emotionally numb, had no energy to daily things, nor passions, dreams and I also felt uncapable to love someone…
Still, I would masturbate as an habit.
Things escalated and in January/19 I noticed I couldn’t get an erection anymore. Either to porn and to real girls.
That time, I was using minoxidil, taking finasteride, blood pressure medicine, a multivitamin complex and desvenlafaxine succinate monohydrate (for anxiety).
I had no morning wood, nor spontaneous erections or nocturnal erections. I’d rather go out to eat than to meet a girl and maybe have sex. I also had watery semen and less pressure when it came out… fatigue, emotional flatness, insomnia, suicidal ideation etc.
Then I started looking for finasteride sexual related issues and it hit me! Really, really hard!
I started wondering if I had developed PFS, quit the drug immediately and I have not taken it since then (08 months now).
The sole thought of the possibility of never being cured kicked me in a period of extreme anxiety, followed by depression… I went to see an urologist as fast as I could and, while still depressed, took a hormonal test, which was pretty good.
Meanwhile, I also got in touch with the concept of Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction, which matched pretty much to all my symptoms, just like PFS.
Now, I feel confused… I don’t know if I have PIED or PFS.
I tried abstaining from porn for 70 days. My morning wood started coming back, my mood problems improved A LOT (felt confident, full of energy, happy, social etc), my libido started showing up again! In the 30th day milestone, I tried to have sex and my penis worked, altought I came too fast (hahaha), when tried a second time, I was only partially erect, bot could do it.
During that period, I had a lot of wet dreams and nocturnal emissions.
One day, a tried to have sex with an ugly girl I used to bang, when younger… The day before, though, I had noticed something in my penis that reminded me of the HPV warts I had, then my libido disappeared and I could nota get it up!
In the 70th day, I got in touch with porn again. My belly/groin muscles started to contract as if I was going to have sex and my penis got hard just by watching the porn scene. It was mind blowing and – at that point – I could swear I had no PFS.
I quit the nofap stuff, because I was anxious and wanted to test myself all the time and I came back to my masturbation habits (at least once a day, even if not in the mood, just for routine sake).
Even thought, I continued to see improvements (e. g. morning wood more frequent and stronger).
What I feel today:
- Mood: Still cycle between good periods, then anxiety/depression (but this got waaaay better when stopped masturbating);
- My hands and feet sweat (but it’s always been like that)
- I go to the bathroom to pee all the time;
- Dry lips;
- Dry eyes, blur vision, light sensitivity (I have diagnosed astigmatismus and spend like 16 hour a day in the air-conditioning);
- Brain fog kicks in real hard when in depression periods;
- Lack of energy (when in depression periods);
- Lack life goals;
- Sensation of guilt all the time;
- Loose testicles (not anymore, but used to have right after stopping fin);
- Suicidal thoughts (when in depression);
- Intestinal discomfort (like gases and stuff);
- Constant state of alert (eg, I can’t switch alert mode of and enjoy sex);
- Bruxism (and a little insomnia, which improved a lot after quiting fin).
Aw, I’m currently also able to get fully hard (or almost that) to porn, with manual stimulation and, sometimes, even without it.
The funny thing is: I currently get rock hard erections during foreplay, oral sex and when the girl masturbates me, but – when the stimulation/foreplay stops and I “need” to penetrate – my penis starts to get slowly limp, it’s like that moment is not enough to arouse me.
It’s strange, because I can sustain an eretcion, most of the times, during foreplay, even without constant touching, but when it comes to penetrate, I fail and all is needed is to stop making out to put the condom on.
My libido is still low most of the time and, when I penetrate, it’s like the vagina could not give me the proper stimulation. Also, I feel like that “regular sex” I’m having is not sufficiently arousing to sustain my erection.
That’s when doubt kicks in…
In you opinion, are those issues related to anxiety, depression, finasteride, or 15 years of daily porn usage (escalating in genres)?
Please help me, you guys!
Ps.: English is not may first language, so I beg your pardon for any grammar mistakes I may have commited.