I really need help

#1

Hi everyone I feel ashamed of writing for the first time this thing but things are just getting like that for me.
I had pssd since one year And yesterday my boyfriend left me. He was everything to me I felt that I can continue fight this just because of him and now I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared and so regretful that maybe I treat him wrong cause I was angry all thw time for my condition. He left me out of the blue he already did this in our relationship I don’t know why he choose this way, it hurts so much. My life feels so screwed I don’t know how to handle this, the pain feels too much. Also is summer with no many things to do I just camt cope. I feel like I can’t accept this life anymore

#2

Hi @sara. Sorry to hear how bad things are at the moment. Do you have any close friends you can talk to about how you feel and what you are going through?

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#3

I guess I have but I don’t think they understand

#4

I see. Have you spoken to them about your PSSD? I think it’s really important to have somebody you can talk to about this. Lots of people suffer in silence because they are ashamed of their condition, but it’s such a heavy load to carry by yourself.

Also, how long have you had PSSD?

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#5

They know but I don’t think they fully get it. Like I cant just do the things I would do though a normal break up. I have anedonia too for some emotions. I don’t think I value my life anymore. I am suffering since a year

#6

Hi Sara, sorry to hear about this. A breakup is hard enough under the best of circumstances, let alone while dealing with all this as well. Well done for having reached out here.

I remembered that you’d signed up to take the survey but we don’t know much else about you. If you feel able, could you write up a member story so we know what you’re dealing with?

I find that when my depression from this condition flares up, I remind myself that though I feel miserable, it’s the personality of the condition that is doing it to me and I have to just grit my teeth and ride it out. I find it easier to think of this as an adversary that I am fighting. I am lucky that the depression isn’t constant and so I know that if I hold on it will pass. You have to be aware that at least some of the negativity you’re feeling is due to the breakup, that will definitely improve with time, once you have got through it.

A year is a long time (I have been dealing with this a year too) but I have read of people making spontaneous natural recoveries after a longer time. I intend on holding on and while I wait, supporting the community and our projects as best I can. Even with this condition, you can still achieve great things.

We will support you until you are feeling stronger. You have much to offer the world, even with our condition.

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#7

I was willing to do a member story I was on break from school recently so it was my plan but now I’m a total mess, I will do it if I survive this tho.
Thanks for your words but I feel so regretful and so bad, I can’t sleep can’t do nothing my life is just too heavy.
I don’t know if I can do this

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#8

Hello @Sara
Very sorry for what you are going through.
I feel what you are going through as my GF decided to leave a week ago.
Anhedonia is one of my symptoms too so it “dampened” the shock.
However hard the “double blow” is , I have tried to be rational about what is happening to me: even if losing my gf is terrible, having to manage a relationship with our symptoms could make us feel even more fucked up so I have tried to focus on dealing with my symptoms first and foremost.
We are trying to offer support here and getting better or adapting to the condition is still possible.
Please reach out for support here or with your friend. Confiding in two friends really helped me to puts the weight off my chest and you will find sympathetic people I am sure.
Please be strong and hang on Sara!

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#9

OK. Yeah, I think a lot of us on here have experienced that. Not everyone can understand what this condition is like - or wants to understand.

You have this community, though. I hope you can find people on here who understand you a bit better.

Right, so you’ve had PSSD for a year. Unfortunately, it can take quite a lot of time to adjust to this condition, if it is anything like the PAS I suffer from, which I believe it is.

And you feel like your emotions are screwed up. Break ups mess with your emotions anyway, so it must be very confusing knowing what’s from the break up and what’s your PSSD.

It sounds like you’re going through a really critical time. But the pain of the break up will hopefully subside in time - it usually does - even though it sounds like it’s very raw right now. I think that’s something to hold onto. It’s not always going to be as bad this. There will be lighter moments around the corner. Try to remember that.

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#10

Thank you. I want to hang on I always wanted that’s why I took this shit** pills and now I have nothing. Adapting to the situation is not an option, I was living just to get better. I’m just not that strong.

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#11

Hey @Sara, I know it is hard. No one is ready for this really. Anyone who claims he is lies.
Most people here had a hard time adapting to their condition. Some were lucky to keep they BF / GF but most had to deal with what I call the domino effect.
I am not very strong myself and going through this on your own does not help.
You did not take an illegal drug or something bought on the dark web. You were given a prescription and you could not know it would gave bad effects. It might be little relief but stop beating yourself over this.
I know positivity is hard and as I am typing this I am struggling to make one day to another feeling out of this world.
You can message me if you need to talk.

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#12

Thank you

#13

What @frenchfries says sounds about right. We’re all just trying to find ways through this. We may not always have answers or solutions, but at least we can support each other.

Feel free to message me anytime as well, if you like. Also, when you feel strong enough, I agree writing your story on here could be a really good thing, so people can understand better what you’re going through. It feels good writing everything out as well, very cleansing.

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#14

Thank you, I will try my best

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#15

Hi Sarah, your story is similar to quite a lot on here, trying to deal with the devestating effects of a drug coupled with the personal cost of relationship/marriage break ups. At this point we lose hope and want to hit the exit to be free from the never ending pain. The human spirit is amazing and our ability to continue to fight under the most difficult of circumstances is testament to our survival. While your at the lowest point in your life right now and in what seems to be never ending hell, you have to believe you will get better the happy and positive you will return and you’ll look back and see this as an episode in your life which made you stronger, more thoughtful, more loving and a wholesome human being. Life is a gift and not to be snuffed out. Counselling may help in terms of coping strategies to give you outlets from the pain of the symptoms and your relationship break up. Try to look outside, re awaken your other senses, taste, smell, eyes and ears. Listen to the birds singing, enjoy some music, go out for a stroll,take in nature, smell some flowers and try some different food. With this condition our mind holds the cards and you need to try to break that! Things will get better and a calm mind has to be better for the road to recovery. No matter what never give up on life never give up on you. Stay strong there are people who care about you and love you. Try to live in the moment, don’t ruminate and think about the past and worry about the future. It’s incredibly difficult when the break up is very raw, but try to focus on other things. Time is the healer here but you can help reduce the pain to a degree. Talking is good. You are stronger than you think.

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#16

I thought I was going to keep my relationship and to recover now I don’t know what to believe. Also with anedonia try to dedicate myself to things is very hard. Thank you for your time tho I appreciate it

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#17

I know it is Sarah nothing seems possible with this, we don’t get any of the feelings that we took for granted. But trying to switch the other senses back on does help and will start to bring windows of restbite. You may feel weak but you are not! My first love left me when I was 21 and it was one of the toughest times of my life I never thought I’d get over her but I did the early days were the worst! Reach out to your freinds and your folks I know that’s even hard with this! Try to think what the old you would do and go for it don’t let this crush you and tell you how to live your life.

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#18

Hang in there @sara . I have found that having relationships in our condition takes focus and effort. Things that came easy dont anymore. I have had to consciously be mindful of my behavior with my wife and kids. I have gotten better at staying calm and keeping things in perspective with practice, mindfulness and meditation. I still slip up and lose my temper and I know they dont understand whats going on in the inside. They only see the outside. Its hard but its achievable with practice. You will be fine. Things improve over time so be patient.

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#19

You have to continue because of you, not because of anybody else. Feel free to message me anytime, i’m 21 and PSSD for 2,5 years.