I noticed lately that I talk too much about PFS. It’s becoming an obsession for me and it’s distracting me from times when I should be focused on other people and having fun. I can never truly escape it, but I need to play its role down in my life. I am becoming the person that talks about himself. I am destroying friendships, not something that I have much of to begin with and it’s making me super anxious and worried about every social interaction. I’m a little bit addicted to this forum and browse it way too much.
Last saturday I had a meeting with an old friend, one of my best friends in life whom I hadn’t seen in a while. We had some good times but at some point I told him about my PFS struggles and how it’s been a hardship throughout this lockdown, which was already a hardship in and of itself. I was just trying to vent my life’s problems to someone I trust, I guess.
But I didn’t realize I maybe chose the wrong setting or went on and on about it. He’s not been responding to my messages since, and maybe I am overly worried about nothing and he’s just busy. But I am also scared that I am pushing my loved ones away. I am already a sensitive person with a history of abandonment issues, abuse and depression and I cannot handle more loneliness on top of what I already experienced.
In any case I’m leaving this community for a while. I need to act on getting this looming shadow over my head to shrink a little bit, in order to be a better more positive person.
In light of this, I have been going back-and-forth with the idea of joining in the PFS-video story thing, but I constantly regret it whenever I tell someone about it. I just don’t have the strength of character to own this.
Please let me know if research has started and funding is necessary, until that time I need some time off to make something of my life without spreading the damage.
I wish you all a strong recovery soon,